Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Of dreams and dying, on the other side...................

The other night I had a dream in which my grandmother passed away. She was sick in the dream,stricken by some strange illness which would contort her body with such horrible force that it would literally break her bones and cause her limbs especially her left leg to just hang and move around.The strange part was that while she did complain of the pain she never really expressed any. He face was always calm and at times while her body collapsed she would be smiling at me. It was as if she was telling me that it was okay and would pass soon. My family had nothing at all to say. The acted as if it was just another normal part of life ,often giving me grief for my saddened state. The day she finally passed away we were in a small kitchen and she had a crutch under her left arm. I was helping her get some things to prepare a meal when suddenly I heard the crutch hit the floor. When I turned around she had fallen against a silver table in the middle of the room.  Her left leg had broken and completely turned all the way around leaving her foot near her head.She looked paralyzed as she laid on the floor looking at me with a smile on her face. Sun light from an above window made her face glow as everything around us seemed to dim into darkness. Now all I could see was her body and  the table in the center of the room. As she smiled and spoke softly to me she came to an abrupt stop just as I was reaching for her. Her eyes seemed startled for a split second and then returned to a peaceful glance. And suddenly as I tried to hold her , I felt her body move as if it was being tugged away from me. I sat back in shock as her right leg was now under the table and was followed by a second rapid tug that pulled her completely under the table and into the dark.
I called out and everything just went black. Next thing I remember is leaving her funeral being so consumed with sorrow and guilt at the fact that I did nothing to save her. That I still didn't understand what had happened to her. My family frowned on me for questioning things and even for feeling so sad. It was strange. I woke up soon after.  Its safe to say I checked on her immediately . There she was still smiling at me. Lets hope her smile remains for years to come.
Life is so short. Its seems so unfair. Why must we waste it on complex notions that bring no positive light into our lives? Is it possible to miss those we have yet to lose? I think so. Perhaps its just the thought of losing them that reminds us how fragile it all is, and how inevitable death remains.

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