Saturday, June 29, 2013

Burn baby burn......

Today I helped my sister cut her lawn. Not a big deal except for the fact that it is 106 outside! Ahhh The hellish Texas weather is too much.  It's more than safe to say that bats and the sun don't mix as I felt myself  ready to explode into flames. 
When I work out in the heat I always come in looking like a rock lobster .... No fun!  Perhaps I should invest in one of those umbrella hats and maybe add some bats hanging from it:) Now that would be great!  I'd be able to go to the beach then. Time to stock up on sun block spf 1000!

Friday, June 28, 2013

Mooooo

My 3 year old just asked me to give him chocolate milk because he wants to turn into a cow:) kids gotta love them!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Woman with cat mask......

I came across this on Tumblr not too long ago. I fell in love with the image.

Brassaï, Untitled (Woman with cat mask), Paris, 1930s

warm bodies...

Some thing  I often find myself asking is whether or not I've managed to take in all possibilities . After all I would hate to make a judgement call based on poor evaluation. Lending little help to emotional influence and basing a conclusion or solution founded in logic makes more sense to me. Do I get it right ever? Sometime... And what of other times? What about them :p
Who am I kidding....While I do my best to follow logic I am only human and run on emotion at times and with the best of them, make shit judgement calls . Now, this all sounds rather dramatic ( and perhaps it is) for the point at hand , but none the less I felt the need to mention my often failed view on decision making for this silly post.
The movie this time is Warm Bodies. A recent zombie flick which I found absolutely idiotic...at least judging by the trailers. The absurd idea that a walking corpse could fall in love with a living person made it pretty simple I thought. First thing that came to mind after watching the trailer was, " Wow, its a trendy hip zombie flick for the masses " . Easy to consume. Easier to forget in my book. Bleh, how completely bland and void of substance I thought.
BUT
I ended up watching it the other day out of compete boredom and I must say I really liked it. It was campy and trendy yes,but somehow managed to capture some teenage lost love / beauty in simplicity vibe that always pulls at my heart strings. Obviously don't go into this expecting a horror flick but rather a cute love saves all type of thing. Horrible review I know. so sue me.

If you get a chance, check it out for yourself.




Thursday, June 20, 2013

Dead end city.....

Its one of those days where things are just stacking against me or so it seems. I met my girlfriend at work to pick up our son and had planned on dropping off an application but thue car i am using wouldn't . After I got the battery jumped I  was so worried that it would happen again that I decided not to turn it off again until we made it home . I'm pretty upset that I didn't get to drop my application and even more frustrated at not having my own car. I've been borrowing my mothers car since she had to use mine and was rear ended  leaving my car totaled:/ 
I also woke up today and my eye was slightly swollen and in pain. Perhaps its a stye? What ever it is its painful! I was planning on getting an eye exame for new contacts tommorrow but I guess thats out the window now until I get over this eye issue. Hopefully it will clear up before tomorrow when  I have to dj as well as Saturdays art show. 
Either way I refuse to let this keep me down. I need to focus the negative into positive energy , figure things out, eat some feel good food, hug a tree and what not;) well with my luck the tree will be cover in ants unseen by me. Or worse have a bees nest on it. Bleh.... What's a bat to do?

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Dead spider.....

I am making another one of my dead spiders for this Saturdays art show:) I'll update this post as I work on it some more.

So far I have made its body and head. Now I need to paper mache the legs and allow them to dry before attaching them.

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Next its time to add the legs


Monday, June 17, 2013

Bitter again...

Seriously wish winter was here. I'd kill to walk out the door And feel the bitter cold on my face. That would be heaven! Not this constant roller coaster of disappointment. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm moving forward. No matter how hard I try. Maybe it's time to up my dose of Zoloft. Fucking bleh...

1313 July 13....

Here is the flyer for tge next 1313 happening July 13 at the Thirsty Camel here in San Antonio, TX.


Sunday, June 16, 2013

circles and circles and circles again....

One thing I've never liked doing is repeating myself over and over again. I don't mind once or twice but if I find myself going over the same thing like ten times for absolutely no reason then I get seriously annoyed.
For example.....
If someone asks, where are you? And I answered getting gas at the gas station before I go home. Then I'm asked why did I go to that gas station....and I reply, because it was on the way home and I'm instantly met with, no its not (when it damn well is) and why did you stop there? Or why didn't you go to this gas station...followed by why did you go there again and why not here? At that point I just throw my hands up and say what the fuck does it matter? I'm getting gas because I need it . Who gives a fuck which gas station I went to. I'm getting gas not buying a house or selling my soul. I will never get it. Why go in circles? why go on and on? More importantly why act like you don't get it when I get mad at you? Seriously, find something better to over analyze...something that makes no sense at all, for example the reason you feel you need to question me over and over.
Fucking blah...rant over.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

replicas.....

Since I was young I was obsessed  with making duplicates of things I liked. I always wanted to learn how to make molds and cast tons of skulls and more. I finally figured out how to do it years ago but still struggle with it. Like all of my art its been a long ass work in progress. I admit I fail at applying myself more when it comes to my art, my passion. But in recent months I've begun to experiment more and more with all sorts of things . Creating not only duplicates but modifying and putting my own twist on things. I suppose I am a pack rat but most of the things I collect become parts in my on going creative process.
My family went through several ups and downs while I was growing up. We have been dirt poor and then well off. Not rich but from our previous stand point it was pretty damn good. Then we hit rock bottom and up and down again, never fully climbing back up the ladder of stability. Early on I was extremely careful when it came to wasting supplies when it came to making things. Eventually I realized by being overly cautious I ended up doing very little. Now I tend to get more done .
I realized awhile back that time is just ticking away and I have yet to reach the place I want to be as far as being an artist goes. I would have never created my dear friends Lucy Goat or Doloris Bones.
I need to add more art on this blog. soon...very soon.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Sinister

Finally got around to seeing the film Sinister. I had heard rave reviews but while I didn't the movie I did find it a bit predictable and lacking. It suffered from some typical trendy effects and recycled elements but hey whats original now a days right? It was good and would recommend it. However it is not one of my favorites.
Here is a description I pulled from amazon.com

Ten years ago, true crime writer Ellison Oswald made his reputation with a best-selling account of a notorious murder. Now, desperate to replicate success of his first book, he moves his family into a home where the previous occupants were brutally executed and a child disappeared, hoping to find inspiration in the crime scene. In the home, Ellison discovers a cache of terrifying home movies, unwittingly opening the door into a nightmarish mystery.

Buy it here. 


Here are some stills from the film.







 


Find the soundtrack here.

 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Waist line vision.......


It's strange how some people walk around seeing only half of what is in front of them. It is as if they can only see above their waist and adopt a tunnel vision mentality where things are never completely taken in. Ignore it all and it never happened  , or so they think until the inevitable comes back for them in the end. Why bother with eyes in our head when a single eye at waist level seems to suffice;)
Here is a doll I just finished. Eyeless in fashion ... As drones over the edge .



Monday, June 10, 2013

fun times

Had a great night at 1313 on Saturday. Natalie and our son Gavin helped me decorate and had a blast.I wish she could have come back but hugging that little guy is always a nice thing.  It was a little slower than usual but still a great time. I was the only dj that night which meant I got to play lots of stuff I've had jumping around in my head :) ahhh fun spooky times. Gotta love them.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Skully Bust .....

Here are some images of a Skully Bust I finished not too long ago.Its made of Paper mache and is mounted on a large wooden base. its well over a foot tall and about 13 inches wide.
 Its for sale at my storenvy .
My Store




Terror Vision

I watched Terror Vision with my daughter today. I love this movie so much. Loads of cheesy fun can be found in this one. Definitely a classic in my book. Check out the trailer .





 I came across this movie years back when I was very young. I had weekly routine every Saturday. Saturdays were my horror a thon nights. Back then I was seriously into comics and horror flicks. I would make a pretty long trek early every Saturday morning to a comic book store named Dungeon Books for my comic fix then down the hill to a flea market with the strangest characters around. One of which ran a comic and horror movie shop. I'd often pick up rare videos on vhs there but that wasn't the only place to get my material for the horror a thon. After the flea market I would hit up an arcade called Diversions and then walk across the street to an awesome video store called Pop-n-go Video. Pop-n-go had the best selection of horror movies and Sci fi flicks around. Not only were most unrated but you could rent each for a ridiculous price around 35 cents each!! I would stock up on movies and go home where I would start my Horror a thon. Miss that place and all the great movies. They closed down a few years ago and sold all their videos but I missed most of it . It really sucks because they had the best movies. You can find TerrorVision for sale on Dvd and Vhs below ....
 

The monster pet thing in this movie is great ,as is Medusa the horror movie hostess.
Here are some stills  from the movie.





Monday, June 3, 2013

1313

This Saturday will be 1313
My Monthly Deathrock/ Post Punk / Goth , night .
Can't wait.


Belgrado

Here's a video from Belgrado, an Amazing Post Punk Band from Barcelona. I love these guys!!
If dark music ,post punk,deathrock type stuff is what you dig  then you might like them.





Here is a link to their bandcamp page...http://belgrado.bandcamp.com


Welcome back insomnia .....

I have a serious panic disorder which I have been trying to keep under control for about ten years . Ive tried and failed over and over. Every time I think I have it under control it blows up in my face and leaves me a complete mess. I've lost many jobs due to flipping out or being too embarrassed to return. It has taken over my life. Like many I self medicated myself taking Xanax or Ativan or what ever friends had to help me get through the attack. Probably the worse is the self medication through alcohol.
I am a huge fan of red wine. I love it !(especially with pizza ) When I go out I drink about a bottle or two of red wine to keep calm. Fortunately when I dj I have some sort of tab and it doesn't cost much ,which also adds to the problem.  Rarely would I wake up hung over and it helped me sleep as the stress and anxiety keeps me up all night. BUT, recently I started waking up with a hang over and like clockwork would feel "off " later in the day and it would trigger an attack.  Also not sleeping didnt help,and when I did get rest I would feel worse than before.
My attacks have become so bad that everyday was lived in fear of having another attack. I no longer want to leave the house and driving has become even harder to do. Not good considering I need to take my children to school .One moment I thought I had an ulcer or hi blood pressure. At night I couldn't sleep on my left side because I swore I felt my heart failing. I was constantly on edge and snapped at people and my kids when it became too much. It was absolutely horrible.
Several years back after my first major attack I  was put on Prozac and Xanax . I hated the way I felt, I was completely zombiefied. Next I was given Paxil which also left me in a constant daze. Ive never been a fan of medication. I hate taking pills and love to think I can beat things on my own. But sadly I was very wrong. After hitting rock bottom and most aspects of my life being effected by these attacks I decided to try meds once again. After all I owed it to my children and myself.
This time I'm on Zoloft for depresion and anxiety as well as some back up meds for panic attacks.So far I havent needed the full dose as I have been doing so much better. Also I have yet to take the back up pills for panic attacks . The few times I have felt an attack coming on it quickly went away. The side effects were pretty brutal at first but after a month are really not that bad at all , with the exception of  sometimes feeling as if I have no feelings. or rather the inability to feel completely sad or happy . I'm for lack of better words just "there" . I dont like this but hopefully the effect will die down a bit. I do however feel more like myself again and things were looking up. but recently stress levels have gone through the roof due to some serious issues in my life and I have felt my anxiety creeping out of its cave again. Sleeping  has also become a difficult thing to do. I stay awake thinking and thinking where as before I would pass out at 11 or 10 and sleep waking up refreshed and rested. Im seriously upset about this as I was barely becoming adjusted to feeling good again. It is strange how one can become so wrapped in anguish that the actual feeling of being at peace is a shock to the system. I need to put some things in order in my life and try to push forward as I was . I cant let anything or anyone keep me down anymore. I've lived in misery and fear for so long and have come a long way and still have much to do. It just breaks my heart that I might have to leave certain things behind. Until I manage to deal with this stress  it looks like I'll be welcoming back my insomnia :P ....or will I?

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Positive Noise - End In Tears

I wish I could have made you open your eyes.......





Abigail Ghoulie.... Paper Mache

I love working with Paper Mache. Here is a figure I've made of Paper Mache mounted on a wooden base. I call her Abigail. I sell my art pretty often but more importantly it serves as a type of therapy . I tune out everything when I am working on my art. Here's a link to my Storenvy store where you can buy her and other odd sculptures .http://malediction.storenvy.com/products/1648282-abigail-ghoulie

 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Wave of Mutilation

Last night I was reminded yet again of a sad fact of life. No matter how hard we try to fix things and make them better sometimes we just can't fix them. Sometimes its just not in our control. People go through things in life, horrible things at times. I did and so have many others. But in the end we are responsible for our own actions. I have made many mistakes but I can honestly say that after all was said and done I did my best to fix things. To move on and out of this horrible, negative dark place I fell into. For me it even meant doing something I strongly dislike like taking medication I never wanted to take. Risking losing myself in a sense to some horrible numbness that will change things in me. Whether its for the better or not has yet to be seen but I reached a point where I had no choice but to face the cold stark reality which was my life.
Without going forward with medication I managed to numb myself and change in another more damaging way. I could no longer function and respond as I wanted to. Everything was fueled by desperation . Constantly searching and losing at attaining that fleeting sense of peace and clarity and over all control which I had lost many years ago. Now , at least for the moment I can say I am calmer and more clearly in tune with the simple facts and reality which unfolds every day. I can handle it in a more positive way. Yes there are still limitations to what I can handle but I can endure with a more solid foundation than before. And unlike before now see completely that after doing my best, it still might not be enough.
Its strange though.... I feel so sad inside and even feel tears yet no tears appear. I hate it. But for now its what I must do. At least for the moment. Till then I have chosen to accept certain truths for what they are and ride out what ever storm I choose to endure. But I will no longer be a crutch or door mat. I deserve better.
I hate seeing people in pain especially those I love . Sadly I cant always help them. After all we are all in this sinking boat together. Riding the wave of mutilation.





Here are links where you can find both versions of this great Pixie's song and more.

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